After finding drugs on their person or property:

1. These aren’t my pants.
2. I don’t use drugs.
3. Someone just gave that to me.
4. I was on my way to turn that in to the cops.
5. I found it on the ground.
6. I don’t know what that is.
7. It’s not (A-Drug) it’s (B-drug).
8. I am just holding that for my buddy.
9. Meth makes me pretty. (Swear to god I have heard this one)

When asked why they are back in jail.

1. Just a warrant. (Yeah, warrants aren’t that important)
2. My old lady and I got in an argument (meaning he hit her)
3. They’re tryin’ to say I (enter charge here)
4. I took the rap for this one.
5. (After explanation)… but I really didn’t do it this time.
6. I don’t know (meaning “If I pretend to be dumb, do I have to face the music?”)

When leaving jail:

1. This is the last time you’ll see me in HERE (uhhhh, riiiight.).

I’m sure I missed a couple. Put em’ in the comments.

Let’s pretend that I have done something wrong to you. I have failed to do something I was supposed to do. You have proof of my mistake. There is no way for me to be able to deny what I failed to do.

Let’s also assume that I am not a liar. I don’t lie as a general rule, and you have never known me to lie to you. I know that a lie can seriously jeopardize our relationship.

I have recently lost a bet to you, and for payment I am supposed to wash you car. On Sunday, I tell you that I will wash your car by Wednesday of that week at the latest.

On Friday, you go outside and notice that the car is still dirty. In fact, you happened to take a picture of your car right before I told you I was going to wash it, and compared to how it looks now, it is obvious that the car has not been washed/moved/opened/etc. (Imagine the “Wash Me” dirt-writing is still on the back window.)

How would you confront me about this? Would you take me aside on Saturday and ask:

A: Hey, Joel, I saw that my car didn’t get washed, is there a reason you weren’t able to do it?

or

B: Joel, I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest. I want to know if you washed my car or not.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that the more tactful and helpful/constructive thing to do is go with “A”. Call me crazy, but “B” looks more like a test to see if I will lie to you.

C’mon now, I know I didn’t wash the car. I know that you know I didn’t wash the car. Why ask a question that we both know the answer to, unless you assume I plan to lie about it?

If there is no history of lying, and if there is no way for me to be successful in a lie, and if there is no benefit to lying, why would you assume that I was going to lie?

I would love some feedback on this one, and just so you are aware, this is more of a metaphoric situation than a real one. I don’t ever tell Jamie I’ll wash the car. I do it to surprise her once every other year; I’m romantic like that.

TISNF by ~Soap-Committee

This comic is perfect.